Time moves fast but change is slow

Ever since January I have been doing a Jungian workshop. To say that it has been intense is an understatement. This past weekend we ended the shadow part of the workshop and today I’m feeling a bit delirious, scared, neglected, and sad. This kind of work is supposed to stir up a lot of things. Right now I’m so exhausted, which is where the delirious part comes in. I suppose I should take a nap but in doing the work I needed to do to prepare for this past weekend I neglected a lot of little things, and I feel a little guilty not jumping right back into the things I’m trying to solidify as routines, namely making time to write and read and exercise and meditate. The morning just got a way from me and now the afternoon is slipping. All I want to do is watch movies or go to the movies but I can’t seem to relax either. I’m feeling anxious because summer is almost here and that means that my workshop will be over, that I will go on my trip to Italy, and that I need to buckle down and really try to figure out what my next step is. The workshop ending makes me sad but I’m also excited to see what comes once it is done. Italy I am beyond thrilled about. Figuring out the next step not so much. The truth is sometimes I feel confident and excited, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life is changing. That I am changing and that surely I am at long last finding a voice stronger than all the hobbies, curiosities, and interests that I never can quite fully grasp but intrigue me.  Other times I am still racked with doubt because I see no concrete external change. I am still essentially where I was last year. I am still trying to become, trying to make something of my life. There are moments where I feel sure that this is part of a process and that one day it will make sense. There are also many times where I feel overwhelmed, and I find myself ruminating over the same old questions- Did I do enough? Am I enough? Will I ever truly move forward? Time moves fast but change is slow, and I’m scared because this year is flying.