A while back my friend Coco suggested I watch the movie Eat, Pray, Love.

“I think it will speak to you,” she said.

“Really?”

“I know, I know,”she said. “Trust me.”

I rented it and although I don’t care for Julia Roberts I love Javier Bardem. I watched it. It spoke to me.

I can’t say that I would have taken it in so well if I were not in the state I’m in but what can I say, I could relate. And now when ever it feels painful to think of Leo I do what Julia said at one point in the movie. I send him love and light and drop it. Hey, it’s good advice.

I never had any interest in the book but now that I’ve been writing this blog, and after seeing the movie, I am a little curious. I found a short excerpt online and read it. It seemed okay and it sent me into a panic. I have been getting so much joy writing this blog. So much direction and inspiration. But as soon as I read one page of Elizabeth Gilbert’s writing I went into serious doubting Dora mode- someone already wrote about heart break and finding themselves, someone who already had a writing career, someone who had already found her voice. How is there ever going to be room for me.

God, I hate that. How many times have I kept myself from finishing work because I judged it or compared it. It is a constant struggle to remind myself that all I have to do is show up, do the work, and not worry. Everything in my experience points to great things happening when you just let it go and show up. Any work I have ever finished, any work I have ever been proud of is because I just did it and shut up.

Over and over I remind myself- just surrender to the moment. Over and over I think- this moment is exactly the one I’m meant to be living. And as I become more available to my own life and I value me more I find that spectacular things happen all the time. I feel joyful. I book work. I show up over and over to my writing. And little by little I am able to catch myself going into fantasies and projections about how the future will somehow be better than now and bring myself back to right here.

And that is where I want to be always. Or at least more times than not. This is a big shift for me. Huge.